Tainted Love
by comlodge
Summary: Season 6. Spike reflects on the events that marked his relationship with Buffy. Based on the song Tainted Love by Living End


**Tainted Love**

By comlodge 13th February 2013

Song: Tainted Love by Living End

_Sometimes I feel I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
From the pain you drive into the heart of me  
The love we share  
Seems to go nowhere  
And I've lost my light  
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night_

Spike prowled the confines of his crypt. He hadn't had a decent day's sleep in he didn't know how long. His stomach growled and he felt his demon clawing at his insides. He hadn't been feeding either. 'Course he hadn't had a full belly for fucking years now. Not since he was chipped and left defenceless against his former food source. The hunger combined with the lack of sleep to drive up his distressed, emotional state. He was in complete and total agony of mind and body.

It was all he could do not to trash his meager furnishings. He needed to get out. To kill. To feed. To fuck. God, he was so bloody lost. She'd dumped him. The bitch had given him the sad, teary look and told him he was killing her. The fucking bitch! He was a fucking fool. He emphasised this thought by punching the wall, neatly snapping two fingers in the process and splitting open his knuckles. He grabbed his coat, threw himself through the hole in the floor into his trashed bedroom below and strode off into the tunnels.

_Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Oh...tainted love  
Tainted love_

Fuck! He had just wanted to get away. He'd gone to the Magic box, drunk and at his wit's end, to find something, anything, to kill the pain inside. To get her out of his mind, out of his body. He hadn't meant to do anything with anyone, let alone Anya. But there she was in the same pain he was. Broken the same way he was. Dumped by the one she loved and who she thought, loved her. Just. Like. Him.

The self-righteous pair of bastards had stood there in judgment, like they had any right. Didn't want either of us but didn't want anyone else to have us. I can't believe that bitch. She dumped me and I'm supposed to feel guilty because I offered someone in pain a bit of comfort. Took a bit of comfort offered to me. Fuck! Should have let Harris off me. I have to talk to her. Tell her what she's doing to me. What this is doing to me. I know she cares. I saw it in her face when she looked down at me. I just have to get her to understand. To talk with me.

_Now I know I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
You don't really want any more from me  
To make things right  
You need someone to hold you tight  
And you think love is to pray  
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way_

What have I done? What the fuck have I done? I just wanted to talk it out. Why did I let it go so far? It's all wrong. I'm all wrong. Why do I feel like this? For fucks sake I'm a vampire. I shouldn't have stopped. We take what we want. We don't ask! I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't love the slayer. It's bloody unnatural. I'm a traitor to my kind. I have to…

What? What did he have to do? He knew. He knew what he had to do to make this right. He'd made a promise to a lady and he kept his promises. The bitch loved Angel. She could love him too. If he made things right. If she thought she could trust him. He could fix this. He could give her what she deserves.

_Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Oh...tainted love  
Tainted love_

He didn't pack anything but what he could carry in the pockets of his duster. He had a ways to go and it was best to travel light. 'Sides if he didn't make it back then Clem could probably use what little he had left in the crypt. He knew his quest was insane. No vampire in their right mind would seek out the one he was about to. But then, he'd never been just any vampire. He'd always sought the challenge, done what he bloody well wanted to.

He kicked the bike into gear and rolled onto the road out of Sunnydale. He'd be back. He was William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, part of the Scourge of Europe. He'd get what the bitch deserved and he'd be back to get what was rightly his.

_Don't touch me please  
I cannot stand the way you tease  
I love you though you hurt me so  
Now I'm gonna pack my things and go  
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)  
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)  
Tainted love (x3_)


End file.
